Do you ever just stop? Where you sit and feel the weight of life. You breathe in the heartbreak, unwritten essays, and tiredness. You feel the depth of your friendships, the thousand things on your to-do list, and old thorns trying to bloom once again.
It’s all so heavy. But even more so, incredibly beautiful. There is such beauty in realizing this life isn’t mine. There is such beauty in heartbreak and tiredness, because it makes me realize how desperate my soul needs Jesus. He’s always been the answer. When my soul feels exhausted and the school work feels impossible, He’s the answer. I find Him pouring me a cup of encouragment with grace acting as the whip cream to my white mocha. When thousand of things call for my attention and I feel paralzyed, not knowing where to begin, He’s the answer. I find Him whispering “Mo, take joy in this season, as this is preparing you for what I have for you. My Beloved, know that I will never give you more than you can bear. Now, come.”. When old thorns begin to resurface and my heart feels burdened and lost, He’s the answer. I find Him reminding me the cross was not the beginning, but a place of redemption, healing, love, and He helps me find myself.
I’m happy that I stopped today. As I’m sitting in Barnes and Noble, I just began thinking what my life would be without Jesus. My heart immediately sank and tears welled up. I don’t deserve Him. I’m selfish with my time, I allow my emotions to rule, I get angry, and too often I just have an “ehh, I don’t care” attitude. I’m a mess ball. But I’m a mess ball whose Savior isn’t repelled by my brokenness but is attracted to it. Let me say that again – He pursues me, even still.
Again, He’s the answer. Knowing and being known by Jesus is the sweetest gift. I don’t have all the answers, I don’t even have a page for this 10 page essay, but I do know Jesus.
So, I’m going to take off the robe of overwhelmedness and replace it with His grace, strength, and joy. Viking paper, here I come!